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Welcome to DIY Disasters

December 20, 2010

If you’re a DIY disaster, welcome. You’re not alone. The following stories demonstrate the carnage that happens when usually intelligent people pick up their tools and have a go.

Men and women of the world. Share your shameful, embarrassing and destructive DIY disasters with the world – SIMPLY CLICK THE SHARE BUTTON ON THE RIGHT –>

Now step away from the tools before you hurt someone.

redhouse

Step 1: Convince wife that you can do this project yourself. Spend lots of time on YouTube and realize you’re an expert in this project. Analyze and decide that some of the peoples on YouTube don’t know what they are talking about, but you do.

Step 2: Cost out the project by assembling a list of all the tools that you will need (you’re the expert, aren’t you?) Write down all the tools and supplies you need to buy. Convince your wife that this will be the total cost of the project (and you buffer a few dollars just in case). She reminds you of all the projects that you have done in the past. She begrudgingly allows you to take the credit card.

Step 3: Head to Home Depot. Explain to the department specialist what you are trying to do. The specialist shows you two extra tools that will help you do this job, but you didn’t see any of them in YouTube so you decline one, but decide you can stretch the budget for the other. Talk to the department specialist about getting the rest of the project done – he points out that you didn’t account for waste (add 10%). Thinking that you CAN’T be that stupid, you decide to JUST get what you absolutely need. Find out that one of the supplies you need is going to be very difficult to move, but you also find out that the store will deliver, just for an additional $85 that you don’t have. Not in the budget. You decide to make three trips and load up your personal car (you think about using your wife’s much larger car, but realize that she probably will want to know why and you decide it’s worth the cost of gas to avoid that conversation).

Step 4: Just as the YouTube expert described, you start the project. You realize during the destruction phase that there’s a whole extra step to demoing. What you figured was going to take one hour takes four. Your shoe prints are tracked across the living room carpet when you wife gets home from shopping, much to her display. Muttering, you put plastic bags over your dirty shoes so they don’t track anything onto the carpet again.

Step 5: Run to Home Depot to discuss the second tool that you declined.

Step 6: Run BACK to Home Depot to return the tool because it didn’t work as promised. Talk to a different department specialist. He suggests something totally different. You take a chance, break the budget and try again.

Step 7: Find the first aid kit for your bleeding knee. Can’t find one. Use duct tape to hold the wound closed.

Step 8: Decide that drinking a beer is going to be part of the job (why don’t they sell beer at Home Depot?)

Step 9: Take a break for another beer.

Step 10: Realize that you just cut your lumber 1 inch too short. Decide against cutting again, just going to be 1 inch short.

Step 11: Realize that you’re choice to leave everything 1 inch short means that everything else will have to be one inch shorter. Start cutting everything short. Take a break for another beer.

Step 12: Realize that the one inch short is now not going to work because the door won’t work to the room. Decide to glue a one inch piece onto the end and fix everything.

Step 13: Head back to Home Depot with glue between your fingers and toes for new uncut materials.

Step 14: Realize that you’re $500 over the budget projections at this time. Pay for it out of the utility bill fund rather than ask permission to the wife. Figure you can hide this expense easier that way.

Step 15: Find first aid kit for your bleeding arm.

Step 15b: Realize that they DO sell first aid kits at Home Depot – utility budget again!

Step 16: Wife finds your beer cans in the recycling and asks if everything is OK. Not convinced by your answer.

Step 17: Call your buddy who is a semi-professional contractor (or he thinks so) to come help. He shows up with another 6 pack of beer. You are responsible for the pizza costs. You don’t need electricity next month, right?

Step 18: Your buddy makes a recommendation that you start again – apparently, the tool that you opted out of was really that important.

Step 19: Wife is now yelling about two sets of boot prints in the carpet.

Step 20: You ask your buddy if he has someone who he knows who can finish the job – your buddy recommends his friend, a real contractor, who does work on the side. He calls his friend and describes the project – the “best-buds discount” doesn’t seem too “discount-y”.

Step 21: Realizing that you’re out of time, you slink back to your wife and describe the situation with a bouquet of flowers (Home Depot doesn’t sell either apparently)…

Step 22: Sit in the den and sulk as the professional knocks out the project in about 2 hours.

Step 23: Hand the credit card back to wife as she pays the contractor.

Step 24: Admire the contractors work, but secretly know that you could have done a better job!

Step 25: Start thinking of the next project to handle.

Submitted by Matt.

CATastrophic

August 20, 2013

My wife had been moaning for sometime now about the state of our back garden; with that in mind I decided it was time to sort it out. I began laying a patio & cutting flagstones with a 9″ angle grinder.

While I was cutting one of the flagstones a cat ran across the garden and was startled… It distracted me and needless to say I ended up catching my shin with the angle grinder.

As you can imagine I was in enough pain and ended up with 22 stitches to tell the story.

Submitted by Henry Carlise.

I purchased a door number off ebay the other day as the postman kept putting the wrong post in the wrong house, I needed to put it up. I don’t own a drill and never used one before.

I asked my aunt and borrowed her drill which had not been used in ten years. Since my uncle died.

The drill made a funny nose and then started smoking. The door number is still not up and the postman is still giving me the wrong mail. To add insult to injury not only do I need to buy my own drill but I think my auntie is expecting a replacement one too.

Submitted by Julia Burnett.

UnLOCKY

April 30, 2013

We had bought a brand new state of the art wooden door for our home but we needed a lock installing. My husband insisted that it was a simple job and he would do it himself.

He does plenty of DIY and I thought why not?

Although he may be a good DIYer measurements have never been his strong point.

He drilled a three inch hole in our beautiful wooden door, only to find out later on that he had drilled it in the wrong place!

We ended up having to purchase a new front door, although we did enjoy having a nice spy hole for a while!

Submitted by Amy Toodle.

Half a kitchen!

April 25, 2013

My husband fancies himself of a bit of a DIY fanatic and he decided to install some new kitchen cupboards.

When he told me he had to cut his nice kitchen cupboards I was worried and understandably so.

He got his saw out and began cutting the worktop in half…. Only to discover he had been cutting in the wrong place!

So now my kitchen worktop is in two halves and wobbles if you put anything on it .

A month down the line and he still hasn’t sorted the problem out. Never Again!

Submitted by Ruth Lister.

Walking in the air

April 16, 2013

A few months ago my friend asked me if I could give her a hand painting her office.

I was on a ladder painting places which I couldn’t reach off the floor, for some reason I managed to forget what I was stood on.

I stepped to the side to go to load the roller with more paint, and stepped into thin air.

Before crashing down and knocking the shelving unit onto the desk, creating a big hole in the back of the unit and a near heart attack for my friend!

Submitted by Amy Sands.

Here’s one from a good friend of mine, he wasn’t the greatest DIYer ever to grace the planet to say the least.

He took it upon himself to lay a new carpet for his wife while she was away, after doing so he realised that he couldn’t actually shut the hallway door. He had an idea that didn’t seem to bad to be fair, he said ‘I’ll just take the door off and saw some off the bottom’.

He may of been a great welder but when it came to DIY he didn’t exactly have the biggest range of tools available! In fact all he had to trim the door was a hacksaw…

He took the door off and measured up before sawing to the right size. He seemed fairly pleased with himself actually.

Until he actually rehung the door and realised that he had actually sawed off the top of the door. opps!!!!!

I had never seen him swear like that before!! so he had to take off the door again.

He then reattached the door handles to the other end of the door… It didn’t look to bad but did take hours and the door never really looked the same again.

Submitted by Ben Johnson.

We were having a number of different problems within our loft, including condensation and insulation. So we contacted our local roofer and he recommended various different ‘fixes’.

My husband said he would take a look and try to amend the problems himself, which was a worry in itself to be honest.

I heard a huge thud coming from the loft as my husband was up there on one of his little expeditions, needless to say he was hanging through a huge hole in the ceiling!

Luckily he was OK and we got the bedroom redecorated on our insurance, but I was not best pleased a the time ….

Submitted by Janice Longsmith .

Sunday morning and I had finally got the time to paint the ceiling in the landing.I bought a paint tray and it was very slippery and didnt seem to want to sit on my ladder, needless to say I managed to lodge it on while I was painting the landing ceiling.

Do I even have to say what happened? I managed to dislodge it.

Talk about timing… I dislodged it just as my husband was coming up the stairs with a cup of tea for me.He ended up wearing not only the paint but the tea as well.

Just to add insult to injury I was so shocked at what I had done I jumped off the ladder and knocked the tin of paint over that I had been using to refill the tray with.

This flew all over the walls and skirting boards and a simply ceiling refurbishment ended up in a whole landing job.

Submitted by Danielle Drury.

Our smashing new sofa!

February 12, 2013

We were getting a new sofa delivered. Nightmare 1, First of all the sofa wouldnt fit through the door so the only alternative was to pass it through the front window… We couldnt get a professional out to do it for ages! My husband had done this once before so he thought he would give […]

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